I was having a discussion with a friend of mine who was asked if there was a female counterpart to toxic masculinity.
The short answer is 'all of it because patriarchy', but we were able to break it down a little. I came up with some thoughts from that and figured I might as well post about it.
Toxic Masculinity is a problem. That's just a fact. It is caused by patriarchal societies. Patriarchy affects all genders, and yea, there's a female side to it.
I call it 'Enforced Femininity', and that's a term I made up because there IS no term for it. There's no term for it because, even when working to address the effects of patriarchy and dismantle it, it is still so Hard Coded in our brains that men come first, or nothing will get done if men aren't addressed, that we've named Toxic Masculinity, and ignored the female equivalent.
And there has to be one. If you're making a list of Manly things for Men to do, there have to be opposites or counters to that in order for them to be anything, much less manly.
For instance
Body Hair - Masculine.
Lack of Body Hair - Feminine.
Dresses - Feminine.
Not Dresses - Masculine.
Nail Polish - Feminine
No Nail Polish - Masculine.
When we think of toxic masculinity, how we determine an action is manly is based on judging it off of what ISN'T considered manly, and what would that be?
Yet, as important as it is to address to fully deal with patriarchal views, it isn't addressed. Not really. There's talk of 'let your boys wear dresses and let your girls wear pants' but not 'maybe don't buy your girl dresses if she doesn't want them'.
The actions of addressing toxic masculinity ends up being 'Alright people, lets work on boys super hard. Encourage them to have feelings, let them play with dolls, encourage them to have close friends. I guess girls can play with cars or something now?'
It seems little, but there's a big difference, and a lot that gets inferred. If your kiddo is given dresses and pants, that's awesome. But if ONLY girls are given dresses and pants, and boys have to ask for dresses, it still sends the message that one thing is for one gender.
Its a societal thing, and part of patriarchy is that society tends to disregard and ignore females. And even in the movement addressing the harm that this does to people, the conversation, terms, and focus are all on men.
*I'm just gonna pause right here and say YES men do need to fix things, and do not for one second think that I'm giving you an 'out' because I want women to be addressed, too.*
This is not great, folks. We can't actually fully address patriarchy if we continue to follow its guidelines as to where our focus needs to go.
